In a less-than-stunning turn of events, Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer has decided that her face is the key to driving more traffic to the company’s vaunted but fusty home page.
“We discussed page-load speed, module location, and spammy and shady home-page-reset schemes,” noted Mayer. “But we ultimately decided that this here face had the best shot of getting more people to come to Yahoo! and stick around. The expensive work we’ve done with McKinsey definitively shows that people like pretty faces, and I happen to have one of those.”
While Silicon Valley anxiously awaits the impact as calculated by comScore’s servers and algorithms, Mayer is expected to embark upon a promotional tour of her face. End transmission.
“To the quarterback who wouldn’t date me in high school, I’m on the Yahoo! home page, and I’m CEO, bee-otch.”
Marissa Mayer was also born and raised in Wisconsin, so she’s got that going for her along with her mug.
They’d be better off with devon’s
hard. to. type. entranced. by. face.