Kay and Charles Review the Gossip Girl Finale

Written By Mary K. Moore

The Upper East Side gets taken down a notch. Kay and Charles, 70-something retirees and parents of Smatter contributor Mary K. Moore, offer their assessment of the season finale of Gossip Girl (via dueling phone handsets).

Warning per Charles:  “I can tell you this much. You are not going to like what I have to say.”

Who the hell is the Gossip Girl?

Thanks to the popularity of your review of Sunset Daze, The Smatter has asked you to report on the season finale of Gossip Girl.

Kay: People must be so bored. We’re just not that funny. You didn’t tell people where we lived did you? You didn’t say we were from Texas, right?

Of course not. So did you watch the episode live?

Charles: Well, I called the satelite man, and he said we don’t get the Gossip Girl channel. But I got it on the computer. I don’t think it’s live though. Is that going to matter?

No, it’s worth the wait.

Charles: It took 15 hours to download on my computer. Then I thought I bought the whole season, and I was furious. I would only do this for you. Watching this show was murder.

Kay: Here is what annoys me. He watched old episodes of the show on the computer without me. I don’t know how to get on so I had to do this with no prior knowledge.  I just want that known. He even jotted down notes!

How do you feel about mom’s accusation that you’re making crib notes to reinforce your reviews?

Charles: I accidentally watched snippets while figuring out how to download it, and I just wrote a few names when they’d come up. And they said their names over and over again which helped.

So what’s your overall take on Upper East Siders?

Charles: They’re like mice in a maze. Just running into one apartment after another. And apparently no one locks their doors. People just pop in and out of each others’ houses and have sex with whomever is home. One locksmith and this entire show is over.

Kay: The lock thing really bothered Charles. I thought the complete lack of moral boundaries was more disturbing, but he’s worried about people’s ability to get in and out.

Charles: I’m just saying you can bet if I’m with some woman who is not my girlfriend, my door is going to be locked.  Like that Blondie girl. Did you see that? Blair comes over to see Chuck and–poof!–Blondie is gone! It makes no sense!

Kay: Is she the blonde who was sent away by her dad to live with his ex?

Jenny.

Charles: Yes, Jenny! Troublemaker!

Kay: Which one is Chuck?

Charles: The slimeball who was always in a suit. He totally blew it with Blair. But what are the odds that little blonde girl is going to show up right as he proposes. So unrealistic.

Any part of the show that rang true?

Charles: I liked the break-up between Serena and Nate. She was taking a step back after the betrayal. Again, all of this avoided by locking their doors!

Kay: The part I liked was the reference to Affair to Remember. I loved that movie. But in a way, it made me angry because I hate these people.

Charles: Yeah, but in Affair to Remember, they knew they loved each other and were kept apart by tragedy. What’s tragic here is that Blair doesn’t even know what she wants. That and the fact I had to watch it.

What possible movies do you think they’ll reference in the future?

Charles: That one with Mel Gibson…

Passion of the Christ?

Charles: Ransom! Did you see the way Serena’s parents were looking at their maid’s baby. They called the baby a “creature” and said they’d never let her go. She looked afraid. They’re totally going to take that baby from her.

Kay: I never even thought about that!

How about that surprise ending with Chuck dying in the street?

Charles: I liked it. But Blair should have shot him. You know he’s going to live anyway.

Any other predictions?

Charles: Yes. Blair will leave Paris and go see Chuck in the hospital and then that thing starts again. They have that girl in the coat saying her baby is that little guy’s so there’s another baby storyline for you. And Blondie will be back.

Which blondie?

Charles: Probably both. Who cares. But I have one question.

What’s that?

Charles: Who in the hell is the Gossip Girl?

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