Questions Andrea Canning Should’ve Asked Charlie Sheen

Poor Andrea Canning likely had no idea what she was in for when she interviewed Charlie Sheen for 20/20. How could anyone know that an interview featuring an awe-inspiring polygamous living situation, a new Twitter account and some truly psychotic comments about strafing could cause such global pandemonium?

Nonetheless, Andrea’s intimidation and confusion showed during the interview. She tried too hard to be professional, when she should have just been a curious and baffled human being. She needed to more deeply probe the impenetrable mind of Hollywood’s king of misfits.

Sadly, these were much better days.

If I interviewed Charlie Sheen, I would’ve poked and prodded a bit in certain areas that need a little more explaining:

1. Did you really slam a 7-gram ball of crack cocaine? Are you sure it wasn’t a powdered Munchkin from Dunkin Donuts?

2. Have you ever actually looked at or listened to the two women who live with you?

3. Do you know their names, or is that why you just call them goddesses?

4. You know you’re Charlie Sheen, right? You’ve been with Denise Richards and some other woman who’s even prettier than Denise Richards? You could do better, no?

5. How exactly does tiger blood get in you? Do you inject it yourself? Are you accusing your dear mother of unspeakable acts?

6. Are you really winning?

7. Do you think it’s safe to lift weights while you’re coked to the gills?

8. What about your children!? The children????

9. Why assassins? Who are you trying to kill? Why don’t you buy better drugs? You know you’re Charlie Sheen, right?

10. I know there’s no such thing as bad publicity, but do you think this might be the world’s first recorded instance of bad publicity?

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3 thoughts on “Questions Andrea Canning Should’ve Asked Charlie Sheen

  1. That’s a great list. Throw in the straitlaced Andrea Canning’s obvious discomfort at having to interview Sheen in his own house, in a room that probably stinks of spent crack and aged bodily fluids, and it’s a show worth watching on par with anything on cable TV.

  2. “I’ve managed to stitch together a modestly above-average existence by most popular measures.” — Matt Thodes

    This is the same thing as saying, “I’m winning”

    It’s funny how we mock those things we most resemble

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