The Oppressiveness of To-Do Lists

Esteemed experts alternately decry to-do lists as dire time-sucks and extol them as the keys to heaven’s golden castle. How exactly does one become an expert in time management? Not by writing blogs about people who are experts in time management, to be certain.

With advances in modern technology (see Tang, the George Foreman grill), to-do lists are unendingly portable, editable, and stultifying.  They lurk around every corner, ready to crush you beneath the ponderous reminder that you are wholly unproductive.

What the hell am I doing right now? I’m supposed to be preaching to the masses but I’m playing six games of Words With Friends, skimming an article in the six-month-old Harvard Business Review about getting more done, and trying to remember which three books I’m currently reading, all while manically attempting to finish The Tree of Life because I downgraded my Netflix account to the stingy one-at-a-time deal in response to their utter inability to service me as a customer. That came out wrong.

I’m also taking a picture of my cracked iPhone to post on Facebook with a little joke. This is going to be hilarious. Truly hilarious. Be my friend! Laugh with me, or at me! I don’t care! I’ve already forgotten what I’m doing right now!

I just downloaded Evernote, a handy little productivity app, on all of my devices. Now my to-do lists can be found everywhere, raining down from the Cloud whenever I call upon them. Here, here, to-do lists, show yourselves! Voila!

I wasted approximately 24 minutes browsing productivity apps in the app store.

The Tree of Life just ended. I didn’t notice. No wonder, it was produced by Grant Hill. He’s a basketball player, not a movie producer.

Sometimes we have to watch important movies to be reminded that important movies really aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. Often they are just flaming pretentious mounds of merde. That’s French for poop. I’m teaching myself French via at least five different methods, and I’ve been doing so for at least 10 years. I watched The Umbrellas of Cherbourg last night. I recognized a few words, like bonjour, and I’ve been singing all morning.

I think I have some things to do now, if I could just find my list. Oh, right, it’s everywhere.

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