Count Chocula: Not a Count?

Hedge fund muckraker Daniel Loeb of Third Point Capital recently accused Yahoo! Inc.’s CEO, Scott Thompson, of possessing only an accounting degree from Stonehill College. Thompson’s bio claims he also holds a computer science degree, which may or may not be considered useful for running a technology company.

Maybe I ain’t no Count, but I ain’t no doorknob either.

The Smatter had doubts about the existence of Stonehill College, but our research tells us that it’s in the same conference as Hogwarts.

In related news, The Smatter caught wind of a soon-to-air interview that Barbara Walters recently conducted with Count Chocula. It turns out that our favorite vampire huckster has also padded the ‘ol resume…

Barbara Walters: Thank you for joining us today, Mr. Chocula.

Count Chocula: Hello Babs. That’s Dr. Chocula to you, my dear.

BW: Actually, sir, that’s what I’d like to discuss.

CC: Go on…

BW: My staff has done some digging, and it appears that you are not actually a Count. How do you respond?

CC: Why…I’ve never heard such baseless…where do you get off…I was told this interview was about the importance of sugary marshmallows to a balanced diet.

BW: Mr. Chocula, if you will, please just answer the question.

CC: I don’t have to explain myself. I have an MBA from the University of Phoenix, just like fellow corporate shill Shaquille O’Neal. I was born a Count, and I’ll die a Count. Well, I’ll never actually die, but you get the picture.

BW: We did some digging, on the Internet. We found there is no such country, province, territory or hamlet known as Chocovania. You are the Count of a fantasyland. Your retort?

CC: Chocovania is real! It’s on a lake! A short jetski ride from Cleveland!

BW: Please don’t insult my seven remaining viewers. Just speak the truth, Mr. Chocula. It will set you free.

CC: Go after that animal Franken Berry! He poisons children! He causes Franken Berry Stool! I didn’t think they’d give me my own cereal without a fancy title! I’ve dishonored my nonexistent family and my nonexistent land!

BW: There, there, Mr. Chocula. Have you ever thought of running for office?


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