The Biological Fathers of Steve Jobs and Boo the Dog Commiserate

On a balmy Silicon Valley eve, one might have overheard a lubricated conversation between Abdulfattah John Jandali, the biological father of Steve Jobs, and Hank, the biological father of Facebook legend Boo the Dog. Man, that dog is cute.

Steve Jobs’ Dad (SJD): Hey buddy. Let me pour a little Maker’s Mark in your bowl.

Boo the Dog’s Dad (BTDD): Thanks pal. What a day. My damn kid was on Good Morning America beaming his damn cute little smile. I pissed away a goldmine.

SJD: Tell me about it. My son created Apple.

BTDD: Any idiot can plant a tree. My kid has 5 million Facebook friends, all waiting to be exploited…err, monetized.

You are helpless. You must melt in the presence of my cuteness.

SJD: Apple Computer. My son invented Apple Computer, the iPhone, and the iPad. He changed the damn world.

BTDD: Oh. Oh my. Oh, you’re that guy. Oh. Oh my. Even a dog can use an iPad.

SJD: Yeah, that’s how this conversation usually goes.

BTDD: Well, here’s to giving away human and canine lottery tickets. You and I ain’t done so bad for ourselves.

SJD: I’m an executive at a cut-rate casino in Reno, and I can see the fleas jumping off your filthy neck.

BTDD: You’re right. We’re idiots. We made big blunders, like Steve Bartman. But hey, Reno is the biggest little city in the world!

SJD: The Cubs would’ve lost no matter what. Bartman is a scapegoat. Well, I can honestly say I did the right thing at the time, and I’m proud of my son’s legacy.

BTDD: I’m with ya, buddy. I just humped the cutest thing I saw at the park that day. Who knew she’d end up with such a handsome brood, and that little Boo would go to a clever, photogenic, social-media-savvy owner. I ain’t exactly the Heidi Klum of mutts, ya know.

SJD: That much is clear. Well, Hank, all we can do is wistfully drink away our mid-mornings and think about what could’ve been. Things could be worse.

BTDD: Yeah, at least we’re not stinky weirdo vegans who yell at people for no reason.

SJD: I can’t say anything bad about Boo. He’s just too damn cute.

BTDD: Here’s to our boys…

Steve Bartman: Barkeep, a Shirley Temple, triple cherries!! Hey guys!!

I will always feel for you, but I will never forgive you.

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