Marissa Mayer Uses Her Own Face to Upgrade Yahoo!

In a less-than-stunning turn of events, Yahoo! CEO Marissa Mayer has decided that her face is the key to driving more traffic to the company’s vaunted but fusty home page.

“We discussed page-load speed, module location, and spammy and shady home-page-reset schemes,” noted Mayer. “But we ultimately decided that this here face had the best shot of getting more people to come to Yahoo! and stick around. The expensive work we’ve done with McKinsey definitively shows that people like pretty faces, and I happen to have one of those.”

While Silicon Valley anxiously awaits the impact as calculated by comScore’s servers and algorithms, Mayer is expected to embark upon a promotional tour of her face. End transmission.

"To the quarterback who wouldn't date me in high school, I'm on the Yahoo! home page, and I'm CEO, bee-otch."
“To the quarterback who wouldn’t date me in high school, I’m on the Yahoo! home page, and I’m CEO, bee-otch.”

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Marissa Mayer Uses Her Own Face to Upgrade Yahoo!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s