Does Anyone Have a Banana?

By Devon Rhodes (full disclosure: married to and lives with this blog’s “owner”)

Yesterday I ran a marathon. Today I tried to catalogue the insanity that danced through my head during the race (which I didn’t win). Here are just a few of my random thoughts, pretty much in their true insane order:

  1. I am a machine.
  2. Look at all these people not pacing themselves.
  3. I’m going to dance right past you at the end. Rookies.
  4. Slow and steady looks beautiful at the finish.
  5. My family is going to be at mile 6. They are going to think I’m the shit.
  6. I am a machine.
  7. Only machines run marathons.
  8. Is she wearing pajamas? How is she passing me?
  9. Why did I sign up to run a marathon?
  10. I hate running.
  11. Dear God, are you there? It’s me, Devon. Why do you hate me?
  12. Why are we all running right now?
  13. Running is stupid.
  14. Look at us running around in circles like idiots.
  15. I don’t need the medal anyways. It will just get lost in my garage.
  16. Nah, I’m going to frame that shit. Huge-ass frame in my living room.
  17. I’m never doing this again.
  18. I look like a lobster, a lobster in a tank waiting to be boiled. Alive.
  19. Great, now I’m going to get skin cancer all over my body.
  20. How did a rock get in my shoe? Someone probably sabotaged me at the water station when I wasn’t looking.
  21. I should just quit now so my family doesn’t have to waste their time waiting for me at the finish line.
  22. YAY, a Team in Training coach! Coach, save me!
  23. Don’t ask me how I’m doing. I’ll start crying on your shoulder.
  24. Does anyone have a banana?
  25. If I finish this thing, I’m going to eat a Reuben sandwich. Extra sauerkraut.
  26. Red meat is gross.
  27. How am I behind an 80-year-old man? Oh no, I have the fitness level of an 80-year-old man.
  28. No I don’t; the 80-year-old man is beating me.
  29. That lady in pajamas is passing me again. This is so humiliating.
  30. If I just wander into the hills would anyone notice?
  31. Oh no, my thighs are swelling up…there must be something wrong. Medic!!
  32. 26.2 miles. Who came up with this? They are on my shit list.
  33. Oh, there is a nice-looking lady runner. Should I talk to her?
  34. Nah, she is probably trying to run this thing.
  35. Ooh, a cameraman…Hey, look how great I am! Flex. Smile. Swing arms harder.
  36. I’ve high-fived so many people. I wonder how many germs I have on my hands.
  37. I better not touch my face with my right hand anymore. Ever.
  38. Where did everyone go? I bet there are a ton of runners behind me. Rookies.
  39. Great Scott, the finish line! Note to self: Walk to the top of the hill and start running when everyone can see you.
  40. Boom! Finished it. Like I said, I’m a machine.
I ran 26.2 miles. My fat-ass husband ate french toast and typed a stupid sign on his iPad.
I ran 26.2 miles. My fat-ass husband ate french toast and typed a stupid sign on his iPad.

 

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