Let me be clear: I have no dog in this pointless Starbucks cup fight. But I drink coffee every morning, coffee that tastes good, meaning it comes from Peet’s and not Starbucks. In light of the baffling controversy about Starbucks’ plain old holiday cups, I thought I’d share a photo and an observation: Peet’s cups are pretty festive. Christmas trees! Snowflakes! Gifts! Joyous Christmas squirrels! Behold the glory of this merry beverage container!
Now let’s discuss what’s really important here: Peet’s cups do a terrible job of delivering coffee to my mouth. They leak everywhere, every time, on every sip, no matter how full they are. I’ve written letters to the big bosses in Emeryville, to no avail. In fact, I’m quite glad to discover that Peet’s celebrates Christmas, because I need new clothes to replace my coffee-saturated duds. I’ll send y’all my wish list.
I’m not exactly Christian, but I celebrate Christmas in a brazen commercial way that probably makes Jesus mad. If there’s a war on Christmas, Christmas is definitely winning, because it is nothing but Christmas talk everywhere in early November.
Jesus should thank Starbucks, and maybe even hire their head of cup-design communications. Everyone is already talking about his birthday, and it’s six weeks away. He’s going to get crazy gifts this year!
During my nondenominational meditation this morning, I had a quick conversation with Jesus. He politely asked me to ask you all to stop talking about coffee cups and to do something nice for another person. He was like, Starbucks is the Milwaukee’s Best of the caffeine world, and my Mormon peeps shouldn’t even be thinking about coffee anyway! Good guy, that Jesus.